I had many, many misconceptions about what my life would be like when I became a stay-at-home dad (and I'm sure I still have many about what the future holds as Willow grows).
I'm not going to lie to you, I couldn't wait to shed that grueling job I had, but I fretted over it because of the lost salary and the sidelined career, and related to that, I feared I was entering a life of tedium (my wife still chuckles at me for stockpiling video games last spring in preparation for the hours of boredom I expected; I haven't played a single minute of a single one of those games, and now I know I never will).
In truth, I haven't felt any pangs of loss over the job or the money or the career. That was another life. This is a new life, and the terms are, well, just different.
Having a baby changes your life and your home.
Having a baby changes you, and your loved ones, to the very core of who you are and who you were and who you will be.
And having a baby is not at all what you expected it would be, nor is it ever what you expect it WILL be. It's not going to be what you expect. Ever.
Despite all that fear and living in the unexpected, I have never been happier.
I've never been healthier, and I've never had a brighter outlook.
I've never loved more, and I've never been loved as much.
A tedious life?
Hah! My life is bursting with joy.
Life is busy and fun.
Life is the smell of a baby.
Life is in her giggle and her babble.
Life is in her "Dad-DEE!" and in her squeals for Mommy.
Life is in her hugs and her tugs.
Life is in me, pulsing through me as if my little girl is using her pudgy little hands to pump life's essence firmly through my heart.
And so it seems silly that all those months ago, Cherish and I debated and fretted over the pros and cons of having a stay-at-home parent. Added on to the fear I was losing a career and gaining a life of tedium, I also feared our choice was selfish and irresponsible for taking on unnecessary risk.
Now I see the decision was unselfish and responsible for taking on necessary risk.
Of course we made the right decision (and we thank God we were able to do so).
And, thinking on it now, maybe it was a bit selfish.
Because even though we've sacrificed so much for her (by my quitting my job and Cherish putting so much at stake in her job), Willow's given us so much in return.
She has given us more to live for and to work for.
She has given us life.
And life is good.
I'm not going to lie to you, I couldn't wait to shed that grueling job I had, but I fretted over it because of the lost salary and the sidelined career, and related to that, I feared I was entering a life of tedium (my wife still chuckles at me for stockpiling video games last spring in preparation for the hours of boredom I expected; I haven't played a single minute of a single one of those games, and now I know I never will).
In truth, I haven't felt any pangs of loss over the job or the money or the career. That was another life. This is a new life, and the terms are, well, just different.
Having a baby changes your life and your home.
Having a baby changes you, and your loved ones, to the very core of who you are and who you were and who you will be.
And having a baby is not at all what you expected it would be, nor is it ever what you expect it WILL be. It's not going to be what you expect. Ever.
Despite all that fear and living in the unexpected, I have never been happier.
I've never been healthier, and I've never had a brighter outlook.
I've never loved more, and I've never been loved as much.
A tedious life?
Hah! My life is bursting with joy.
Life is busy and fun.
Life is the smell of a baby.
Life is in her giggle and her babble.
Life is in her "Dad-DEE!" and in her squeals for Mommy.
Life is in her hugs and her tugs.
Life is in me, pulsing through me as if my little girl is using her pudgy little hands to pump life's essence firmly through my heart.
And so it seems silly that all those months ago, Cherish and I debated and fretted over the pros and cons of having a stay-at-home parent. Added on to the fear I was losing a career and gaining a life of tedium, I also feared our choice was selfish and irresponsible for taking on unnecessary risk.
Now I see the decision was unselfish and responsible for taking on necessary risk.
Of course we made the right decision (and we thank God we were able to do so).
And, thinking on it now, maybe it was a bit selfish.
Because even though we've sacrificed so much for her (by my quitting my job and Cherish putting so much at stake in her job), Willow's given us so much in return.
She has given us more to live for and to work for.
She has given us life.
And life is good.
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