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Willow's plan to make me a stupid human

Busy and (yawn) tired.
It has become quite obvious to me lately that that is the state Willow prefers I be in, busy and (yawn) tired. She doesn't want me rested and alert (or at least coherent). No. She wants me on the move (move, move, move, move, move) and ragged.
That's the Daddy she prefers: The Daddy whose world is not at all sharp and in focus; she wants the Daddy whose world is all fuzzy around the edges, a blur.
She wants me to be one of those stupid humans in the Liberty Mutual Insurance commercials ("Humans. We mean well, but we're imperfect creatures ... It's amazing we've made it this far.") Here's the commercial:



Well, Willow has it her way: I am, indeed, a stupid human.
Here's a few examples, just in the last two days, of how she's accomplished the task:
  • I chased her around the house, quite in vain, trying to pull her nightgown off over her head yesterday morning. Exhausting.
  • She dropped her Cheerios, one by one, over the side of her high chair.
  • She dripped milk, drop by drop, on my iPhone.
  • She emptied the sheets, the diapers, the toiletries, the DVDs, the recycling and the books from their respective containers.
  • She climbed atop the forbidden chest time and again.
  • She woke up crying four times during the wee hours.
And here's the result of her efforts:
  • I slammed the hatch on our SUV shut, thus slamming the bike rack on the hatch down atop my noggin.
  • I scooped the used coffee grains from our reusable filter BACK INTO the coffee maker.
  • I poured half a box of uncooked spaghetti noodles onto the floor, somehow missing the 4-quart pot the water was boiling in.
  • While mowing under our sunflowers, I slammed my head into a huge and immovable sunflower head. Then I did it again. And again.
  • On the way to the local park, I drove the opposite direction, half-way to Nashville.
  • I left the eggs at the Kroger checkout, then a few days later, I left the apple juice at the Kroger checkout. Then a few days later, I left the chocolate milk at the Kroger checkout (at least I realized it when I was still in the parking lot this time).
Yep, it's true.
It's amazing I've made it this far.

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