Skip to main content

My Case that my Daughter is a Caveman

As I've spent the last few weeks chasing my speedster-crawling daughter around the house, I've come to realize that she might very well be a caveman.
Witness:
She communicates with guttural sounds and fist-banging gestures (sometimes using wooden spoons and toys for emphasis). Imagine, if you will, this conversation:
"Hey, Willow."
"Heh."
"Did you have a nice nap?"
"Heh." A scowl starts to creep across her face.
"What's wrong, baby girl?"
"Heh!" Then she starts banging, loudly, on the crib railing. "Heh! Heh!"
She likes to gnaw on everything. Anything. I imagine cavemen were like today's adolescent sharks; they had to bite on everything to figure out if it was food. Take the above conversation example. Willow might very well follow a "heh!" with squeak-squeak-squeak gnawing on the crib railing.
Willow stares dumbfounded at light sources. When Willow and I enter a room and I flip on the lights, Willow grunts then stares at the light then continues to grunt and stare. "Heh!"
She loves, loves, loves bananas (wait, that's for my "My Case that my Daughter is a Monkey" post. Sorry).
When Willow sees other people, she grunts and stares at them. Try as they may, the strangers can't coax anything intelligible from Willow, just "heh" grunts.
Willow likes to pull up on furniture then bang on the furniture while screaming out some sort of monologue. This is Hitler-like, but I don't want to compare my daughter to Hitler, so instead I'll compare her to a caveman you might see in a Mel Brooks movie, banging away and grunting while delivering his speech to the other cavemen.
She likes to eat with her hands, spreading the food all over her face, sleeves, hair, tray and floor. Soon, I'm sure she'll start splatting the foot on the walls. But not yet. (Again, this might be best saved for "My Case that my Daughter is a Monkey."
Willow is in awe of all the technological advances around her. Everything catches her eye. The dishwasher, the washer, the refrigerator, the remotes, the TV, computers, phones. Everything. She stares at them and pokes at them endlessly, never tiring of them. I'm sure that that is a caveman trait.
Anyway, there it is, my case that my daughter is a caveman. Oh, well, I still love her.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

With baby comes packing (and a lot of it)

Willow, Che and I are traveling to see the grandparents, aunts, cousins and Mos (or is it Moes or is it Mo's or is it Moses?) in Henderson, Tenn., this weekend. And that brings up one of the big differences between being a couple without kids and being a couple with kids: packing for travel (they even have an app for that, God bless us packing-weary parents). Back in my pre-child days, packing hardly mattered, probably taking up 1 zillionth of a tenth of a percent of my brain capacity to do (six days equals six days of socks and underwear plus some T-shirts, some shorts, a pair or two of pants, put on some shoes, throw in some toothpaste, and I was off). That's hardly the case anymore. Take, for example, if you have a spit-up-prone baby. Do you take two burp clothes, four, eight or, maybe, 16? Better take 24. And how many diapers do you take? Or wipes? Do I need to take baby medicine? Is it going to be cold or warm or cold and warm or warm and hot then ... AACK!!! You get t...

Willow's morning of play, play, play exhausts poor, old Dad

Willow's playtime universe continues to grow. Rapidly. Witness. In the midsummer heat, I take Willow out to our shaded backyard in the morning to play. And play she does. She climbed into her swing first. After I pushed her for a while, I got her out of the swing and put her in her wagon so she could help me convey bags of sand from the garage to the backyard to fill her sandbox (part of her new swing set) and her water table sandbox. She took rake and shovel and played in the sandbox for a bit. Then she waddled over to the deck and started to climb the steps to get to the water table. She played in the sand a bit, but most of her time was used dipping water up and out of the water part of the water table. Most the water ended up all over her. After that she wanted off the deck to go back to swinging. Instead I retrieved the new tricycle Cherish procured from a Franklin recycle center and cleaned it up. Willow loved the trike, holding on to the handle bars while I pushed her...

Daddy gets the afternoon all to himself

Few times in the course of stay-at-home daddyhood does an event like this happen. This, indeed, is historic. I get to take my tail out of this house and go do whatever I want (within legal, moral and ethical bounds, of course). By myself. Alone. Indeed, I say ... indeed. Cherish's mother and grandmother are coming to take care of Willow for the afternoon, giving me a much-earned afternoon to myself. And this is what I'm going to do: I'm going to find the manliest, biggest-waste-of-time, money-wasting, violent movie I can, and I'm going to lay down my wife's hard-earned dime, and I'm going to watch that movie. My pick: "Immortals." I read in the local paper this morning that "Immortals" was rated at only 1 1/2 stars. It's supposed to be a horrible movie. Good. I'm going to bask in the crappy escape from baby poo. I'm going to inhale the smell of stale popcorn and that what-the-heck-is-that?-pee? odor. And I'm going to ...